10 year closure

October 29, 2006

Make a note of it - This is an important historical date. It’s not going to show up in any textbooks. But history was made that day. Though when I think about it, its probably more like 15 year closure.

Mom and I had “The Talk” tonight. The subject was one that we skirt around, try to ignore, pretend it didn’t happen, and harbor all kinds of pain, anger and resentment about.

Our “break-up”.

Though in my case, I’d say, “My Disowning and Subsequent Expulsion From the Family”. I can’t speak for my mom, so I don’t know what pet name she’d refer to it by, but I can imagine it would be something along the lines of “That Time When My Heart Broke and I Lost My Daughter”. Or something. Dunno.

But she brought it up. She needed closure, and as I move on with my life, there will be less opportunities to discuss these things without other people around, etc. So she’d like me to tell her my side of the story - what happened. I resisted at first, because I felt like it would destroy the rapport we’ve worked so hard to build by going into that deep, dark pit of madness. I didn’t want to argue, assign blame and go back there. But she said she’d listen, not invalidate my feelings or thoughts, and not argue or deny, but listen and accept. So I plunged in and without embellishment, told her about That Time. The Dark Ages. The Expulsion. The loss of Trust. The Betrayal...the whole 9 yards. And I didn’t soften it, but I didn’t dwell in it either.

And she listened. Accepted. Heard me out. And apologized.

Apologized!

Those of you who know me and what I have been through could scoff and say that an apology does not even begin to repair the damage...but I disagree. More than anything, I always wanted someone to understand what I was saying, thinking, explaining. It’s ok if we didn’t agree, but the most frustrating part of my life is when people don’t understand me and I feel like I am talking to the walls. Her apology meant to me that she understood the pain she caused, the letdown, the failure as a parent to truly get to know me and meet my needs. And she said as much, which I was tremendously proud of her for, and also very, very touched.

I can’t really express the emotions we barreled through - fear, sadness, grief, pain, compassion, elation, love, nostalgia. It was a good talk, and healed so much for both of us, and it was less scary than I was expecting, which was nice. Though just as emotionally draining, which is ok.

I’m telling you this, so you can bear witness to the historical date of October 29, 2006.

Earthshattering moments should be shared.