So the big news is that I am NOT GOING to law school.
I declined their invitation.
The bottom line is that its a 4 year program, about $120k of loans and debt, and a committment to staying here in the US for 6 - 10 years, which I am not willing to do.
I dont regret the decision, though I am a little anxious about the whole "closing the door" thing, as I like to have options. In the meantime, I will be pursuing possibillities in the Dept of Environmental Protection, etc. and looking into perhaps another Masters Degree instead. I mean, I HAVE to be in an intellectual environment, and I truly miss academia.
*sigh* I'm feeling slightly trepidatious...
Friday, July 28, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Life is a Bowl of Jell-O
Just when I think I am on a certain path, having other options and paths closed to me and I have moved past a crossroads, the signpost at the crossroads bops me over the head like a 2 x 4!
I just got into law school. And though that was my focus and goal for nearly a year, the past few months I have been convincing myself that its better this way, and i need to move on and choose a different path.
Then the earth heaves and moves around and all of a sudden, that path is reopened and beckoning again.
Totally stymied.
But it took me SO LONG and SO HARD to get in - the least i can do is go for a semester and see if i like it. right? Even though that one semester will cost me upwards of $15,000 (anyone know anything about financial aid?!?!?!)
*tears hair out*
I'm shellshocked. And grateful. And anxious, excited and afraid.
But the sense of settled I have been feeling just turned into a bowl of jell-o under my feet.
I just got into law school. And though that was my focus and goal for nearly a year, the past few months I have been convincing myself that its better this way, and i need to move on and choose a different path.
Then the earth heaves and moves around and all of a sudden, that path is reopened and beckoning again.
Totally stymied.
But it took me SO LONG and SO HARD to get in - the least i can do is go for a semester and see if i like it. right? Even though that one semester will cost me upwards of $15,000 (anyone know anything about financial aid?!?!?!)
*tears hair out*
I'm shellshocked. And grateful. And anxious, excited and afraid.
But the sense of settled I have been feeling just turned into a bowl of jell-o under my feet.
Saturday, July 8, 2006
Losing those we love
I am walking around my aunts house and i cant help but notice all the little items and design elements that are unmistakably from my Grandmother.
She died two years ago, and her death resulted in a bitter rivalry between the siblings for her Stuff. I was removed from the actual events by about 1000 miles, and so I was not witness to the backstabbing, snarky, savage, greedy and selfish behaviours exhibited by her children and my grandfather. I was, however, kept abreast of the whole drama and have since then lost a healthy amount of respect for the players.
Not that people arent allowed to grieve their loss, or try to maintain a closeness by surrounding themselves with items that reming them of their loved one. I understand the emotions and feelings driving the behaviours, but I cant respect the way the whole thing was handled.
Looking at my grandmother's stuff creates a sense of nostalgia for me, but its weird because these items are out of context, out of place, they dont belong in *this* location, so it loses some of its potency. The pictures are more meaningful to me then the assorted knick-nacks and pieces of furniture. Seeing the pictures of my grandmother smiling with members of my aunts family make me wistful. We hardly appreciate people when they are around until we are forced to endure their absence. And though there arent many pictures of her and myself (though truth be told, i think there are none at all), i still feel a sense of closeness and specialness in our relationship. The picture proves nothing to me. Perhaps we never took photos becuase we were so close, we never needed to create a souvenir of the time we spent together.
I truly and deeply loved her. And I think about her often. I feel her presence very strongly in my life and I know she watches out for me, especially when I am going against the grain in The Family.
I did not receive anything from her Estate, though younger cousins have, and though sometimes I get a small teinge of annoyance about that, it passes fairly quickly, because I have enduring memories and a close, loving relationship to remember, and no amount of bric-a-brac would ever create such a bond.
I *do* miss her. And I felt pain for her to see how her family treated each other over her stuff after her passing. With both grandmothers gone, I feel an emptiness in my life that no amount of Stuff would ever fill.
She died two years ago, and her death resulted in a bitter rivalry between the siblings for her Stuff. I was removed from the actual events by about 1000 miles, and so I was not witness to the backstabbing, snarky, savage, greedy and selfish behaviours exhibited by her children and my grandfather. I was, however, kept abreast of the whole drama and have since then lost a healthy amount of respect for the players.
Not that people arent allowed to grieve their loss, or try to maintain a closeness by surrounding themselves with items that reming them of their loved one. I understand the emotions and feelings driving the behaviours, but I cant respect the way the whole thing was handled.
Looking at my grandmother's stuff creates a sense of nostalgia for me, but its weird because these items are out of context, out of place, they dont belong in *this* location, so it loses some of its potency. The pictures are more meaningful to me then the assorted knick-nacks and pieces of furniture. Seeing the pictures of my grandmother smiling with members of my aunts family make me wistful. We hardly appreciate people when they are around until we are forced to endure their absence. And though there arent many pictures of her and myself (though truth be told, i think there are none at all), i still feel a sense of closeness and specialness in our relationship. The picture proves nothing to me. Perhaps we never took photos becuase we were so close, we never needed to create a souvenir of the time we spent together.
I truly and deeply loved her. And I think about her often. I feel her presence very strongly in my life and I know she watches out for me, especially when I am going against the grain in The Family.
I did not receive anything from her Estate, though younger cousins have, and though sometimes I get a small teinge of annoyance about that, it passes fairly quickly, because I have enduring memories and a close, loving relationship to remember, and no amount of bric-a-brac would ever create such a bond.
I *do* miss her. And I felt pain for her to see how her family treated each other over her stuff after her passing. With both grandmothers gone, I feel an emptiness in my life that no amount of Stuff would ever fill.
Friday, July 7, 2006
In Love with Pirates
I think I should have lived in the time of the East India Trading Company. I would have been a Pirate Wench, I am sure of it.
I *love* Pirates!
And I am so totally excited to see Pirates of the Carribean 2 which opened up today. Though usually sequels to movies are pretty bad, I am hoping for a rollicking good time, and some wholesome fun.
Hot pirates are an added bonus of course:)
yo ho ho....
I *love* Pirates!
And I am so totally excited to see Pirates of the Carribean 2 which opened up today. Though usually sequels to movies are pretty bad, I am hoping for a rollicking good time, and some wholesome fun.
Hot pirates are an added bonus of course:)
yo ho ho....
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Deep thinking, but no deep thoughts
Things have a way of moving at their own pace. And much as I would like to speed them up, or slow them down, they all seem to continue to move at their comfortable pace in spite of, or perhaps despite, my efforts to change them.
Recently I have also noticed that life is very cyclical. Events seem to re-occur, never in the same detail, but symbolicaly similar one to the other. And I sometimes feel a weird sense of deja vu about the whole business. I would like to think I grow from experiences, and perhaps it is that growth which changes my perceptions the next time around....
Have you ever felt that there came a point in your life where everyone you ever met reminded you of someone you already know? I really believe that God had a certain number of templates for both looks, and personalities, and he just mixes them up - but if you meet enough people, then you already know All People because after a while, everyone reminds you of everyone else.
Recently I have also noticed that life is very cyclical. Events seem to re-occur, never in the same detail, but symbolicaly similar one to the other. And I sometimes feel a weird sense of deja vu about the whole business. I would like to think I grow from experiences, and perhaps it is that growth which changes my perceptions the next time around....
Have you ever felt that there came a point in your life where everyone you ever met reminded you of someone you already know? I really believe that God had a certain number of templates for both looks, and personalities, and he just mixes them up - but if you meet enough people, then you already know All People because after a while, everyone reminds you of everyone else.
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