Back from the trip - still on the Journey

Summation. The journey is physically over, but the ripple effects are still moving on. Leaving Israel was hard, but I am so convinced that I will be back - it was almost a "see ya later" type of feel instead of a "when will I see you again?" feeling.

My last day there was spent simply Being. Breathing the sweet, warm air. Hanging out with sis, packing. Breakfast with a friend. Sitting in the sun on the porch, absorbing the warmth, the smells, sounds and view.

I found out that my ex is remarried - that made me laugh...seriously. It took my by surprise and I didnt believe it at first, but it was confirmed by an over-protective and duly apologetic sister who was trying to protect me from some major wiggage that did not manifest itself.... i dont know what she was worried about, the whole concept is so funny to me, i chuckle every time i think about it.

So - I amend my closure post - closure is funny:)

Coming back to the US was kind of sad and a little bit of an adjustment. Even though I was only gone for 2 weeks, I had so completely and confortably clicked right back into the pace there, and the culture, that coming back was a little bit of a jolt.

No more milk in plastic bags (seriously, there are no containers) and no more free incoming calls on cellphones.

I am already homesick again, but I feel such a sense of tranquility and serenity in the fiber of my being that I will return, and it will be at the exact right time. In the meantime, I will have to organize my life here to compensate for that ultimate goal, and figure out what really needs to be done to facilitate it.

I loved connecting with my friends, favorite places and memories.

This trip was transcendent and wonderful.

I am at peace.

Galivanting around the Galilee

Today was dedicated to fun. I put aside this day to drive all over the Galilee and Golan heights with a friend, visiting wineries and immersing myself in my absolute favorite place on earth bar none.

It all started at 5:30am when I bounced out of bed at a friend's house in Jerusalem. I quickly dressed and went to the corner to be picked up by my friend. we stopped 5 minutes later for coffee and breakfast wraps (so good, mine was avocado) and drove east to the jordanian valley.

The cool thing about the drive is that you are actually driving on an incline and heading down to -1400 feet below sea level. So every couple of miles, there is a sign that says "you are +400 feet above sea level" or "you are now at sea level" (there was a camel standing infront of that sign so we didnt see it in time to take a deep breath as if we were about to go udner water). we didnt go all the way to the dead sea, which is the lowest point on earth, but we went about -800 feet beloe sea level to the Jordanian valley and drove North in the valley towards the Galilee.

Usually the Biqu'ah as we call it, is barren and sandy and very desert-like. but this has been a wet winter so the whole drive was colorful with little scrub bushes on every sandy hill and teeny flowers popping up all over the valley. i have never seen it that way before and it was very lovely. the Biqu'ah looked like it was carpeted in a delicate velveteen green. i have to confess that i hate deserts, i cant tolerate the barren, harsh, rugged ebauty of it for too long. i need greenery, trees, growing things... so that made the ride pleasant and was a wonderful surprise.

a word here about my favorite place on earth. The Galilee/Golan is really geographically a small area. But when you are standing on a hilltop, looking out on the Sea of Galilee, Tiberias and Jordan all in the same panoramic view, and the sun is streaming through the clouds like rays of love from God and the sky is so blue as to shame every sapphire in the world with its brilliance, there is no place on earth that can encompass such an expanse of beauty in one blink of an eye. and THAT is how i feel about the Galil. When i am there, my heart is light, and filled with an inexpressible joy. i feel totally connected and grounded, yet i can hear the wind singing and feel the pulse of the birds flying overhead. i connect to the fertile vibrancy of the earth and the sweet waters of the sea of galilee and the jordan river. and it just brings me to life; cleanses and refreshes; newly rebirths; empties me out and fills me up again. and i feel energized and worry-free. this, to me, is a place of Power.

the drive north to our destination is only about 3 hours, so we got there by 11:00am. we went straight to the Golan Winery, took the tour and tasted 4 types of white wines. we befriended the tour guide and got some more "tastes".... i got really buzzed and started singing "when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, thats amore" but then i decided to comment on everything that was happening around me all day by fitiing it into that chorus, so ALL DAY LONG i was singing that song with made up silly words and poems. my poor friend was laughing so hard and i dont know how he didnt get totally sick of me doing that all day - but i digress. (a sample: "when you drive pasr Meron, and youre on your way home, thats amore" or "when youre seeing your sister and you loved and missed her, thats amore" - seriously, these are the genius poems i was singing all day. total doggerel. but addictive)

So here i was, cheerfully tipsy, and we started off to another winery, where we took ANOTHER tour and drank some red wines. I think we tasted 10 varieties, and forget buzzed, i was REALLY tipsy by that time! I was also on an empty stomache, which was not helping the inebriation.

We drove all over creation up north and had a realy fun time of it, we were laughing all day and singing silly songs. it was wonderful and precious and something i truly needed to regenrate and renew, to laugh and relax and have fun (and maybe to be a little bit drunk).

*interesting thought* i wanted to share this with you, and see if you had any thoughts about this. we started in Jerusalem, city of Fire. Drove through Tiberias, city of Water, which I have always loved and connected to, and went to Safed, city of Air which I hated and was majorly having a bad time in until i finally made us leave before we did our activity there.

The only city i havent been to is Hebron, city of Earth..... but isnt that kind of interesting?

Closure Sucks

Everyone says they want closure. To end a chapter in their life and be able to move on and begin again or continue evolving. My whole intention of coming on this journey was to achieve a level of closure about my past, my issues and fears and residual trauma from the events which made me leave in the first place.

But closure sucks. Im not the kind of person to cling to the pain as if it were a security blanket, cherishing the excuse to behave a certain way or do some things that are *just* on this side of dangerous. But it does mean that whether or not I am prepared for it, this chapter has ended. Over. Finished. Bye bye.

And it caught me unprepared and unawares. So now I am scrambling to pull together my scattered emotions and thoughts about this turn of events, and pack it up nicely along with other resolved issues in my therapy trophy room in my head.

My ex sent a bunch of boxes over today with my stuff. Only 2 out of the 5 items I actually requested were among the refugees, but sorting through the boxes was a trip down a path of memories I had thrown the map away to.

I managed to sift everything down to one large sized box, which I am trying to figure out how to get back to the US.

This is the culmination of months and months of negotiations, frustrations and reliving the horror of being married to that man.

BUT - its all over now. And I have closure. Big whoop de do.

Its kind of a letdown.

Poopyhead.

Jerusalem of Gold, City of Old

Yesterday was almost too much to express in words. If I thought I was homesick in Nashville, when things would all of a sudden hit me with a wave of nostalgia, I was unprepared for the flood of memories that overwhelmed me while walking around Jerusalem yesterday. Sometimes, these meories served me well, like when I was directing my sister to a great little eatery offf the beaten path, and I was able to navigate the twists and turns like it was second nature. I think it really is a dormant part of myself that was able to express its comfort and ease at immersing back into this culture and place.

The first place I went to was the Old City. We drove through the Jaffa Gate, where the Arab outdoor market ("shuk") is, and the Armenian Quarter. We parked and walked through the Jewish Quarter to the steps that lead to the Western Wall. The Jewish Quarter, "Rovah", is ancient. The stones are worn down from being traipsed on by millions and millions of feet; historical figures, pilgrims, fanatics, non believers, conquerers and patriots. I walked on the stone streets that the Roman Legionnaires walked when they occupied Jerusalem at teh beginning of time as we count it. The roads are for foot traffic only, there are houses and building at odd angles that make for interesting, meandering pathways and surprise junctions. It is a rabbit warren of stone. The roads are narrow little alleyways and pathways that seem to go on forever. The light seems to glow, not shine from all over as if the sun's rays are refracted into an overall effect of light, as opposed to rays that penetrate certain places and not others. The Rovah smells sweet, with a faint odor of damp marble. Everything is made of "Jerusalem Stone" which has a faint pinkish hue, and it serves to also lighten the area, even though it is quite ancient.

I made a beeline for the Western Wall. Wall of tears, prayers. Always, it is breathtaking to see, from up high and as you descend the steps that lead to the plaza. A small remnant of the Temple of Solomon, it still towers in majestic simplicity, a wall of stone amid archeological ruins, haphazard buildings, and the throngs of faithful and visitors who come to pay their respects. To some, this is God's address, and the local call you can make to speak with Him. To others, it is a living testament to the continuity of history and the ebb and flow of political powers.

I had forgotten about the letters. Millions of little papers stuffed in between the stones, the wall overflowing with people's letters to God. In eery language in the world, containing hopes, dreams and prayers, people leave God little notes, like calling cards, in the crevices of the Wall.

The stones were cool to the touch. Regardless of being bathed in direct light all morning, they did not absorb the warmth, but rather provided a welcome and gentle coolness to the fevered touch of those overwhlemed with the enormity of their location. Supportive and silent, the Wall accepts all who come to visit. There is a song in Hebrew about the Wall, the best line is, "There are people with hearts of stone, there are stones with the heart of man".

My fingers trembled as I reached out to touch the Wall. I kissed it's welcoming stones and laid my forehead against their steadfastness. I felt contented, peaceful and filled with a coolness that eased the anquish of my daily concerns and issues. I did not pray, but I did commune with the presences I felt, with the living history I was immersed in. I did leave a note for God, though. I had only one request.

After a little while, I left with serenity in my heart and a bemused cleansing feeling in my emotional state. It was a powerful Wall, this humble little pile of stones. I sat gazing at it from afar for a while...then I left. I cant describe the jumble of emotions I felt sitting there - its all still a little too visceral to express.

I spent the rest of the day catching up with friends, running ot different parts of the city, juping on and off buses like a pro. I was amazed how much I did still rememebr about getting around and where I was going. It was cool, and a little weird. But I had a nice time, and I am very blessed when it comes to friends. I bought some jewelry, and small gifts, and in general had an emotional, rich, wonderful, full day.

I udnerstand my homesickness while in the US, and I am absorbing the ache, and the bittersweetness of my visit here, now, as I know I need to head back there in a week. I miss being here.

Israel Impressions

Yesterday I took care of the "business" part of my trip. In fact, I have the world's record on how quickly it took to get through the buerocary I had to deal with just to change my name and address on my ID, and to request a form that lists all my travels into and out of the country (which I will need at the tax ministry to prove that i dont owe taxes for the past 3 years as i wasnt living or earning here). Guess how long that took - 20 minutes TOTAL. In and out. Amazing.

Driving around the city my sister lives in has been a good way to ease back into the culture here. I think I have been hesitant to jump in and go back to my old stomping grounds. I needed to catch up on sleep at least, and be fully functioning. So Sunday is the day I go to Jerusalem. I have a small shopping list (a ring for myself from a jeweler in the Old City, some gifts, etc) and top of the itinerary is going to the Western Wall.

Meanwhile, the smells, sounds and general pace here has been creating so many pangs of nostalgia and memories and homesickness, all at once.

Gotta run....

Roman Holiday

Bonjourno!

After a check-in adventure, things were pretty smooth leaving New York. I arrived in Rome, Italy at 8:15am local time - which, for the mathematically weak (like, me for example) is 2:15am. I was sitting at a window, on the right side of the plane and when we were landing, the sun glistenend off the sea, the umbrella pines reached up to the sky, looking like poodle tails. The homes all had beautiful red terra cotta tile roofs and the whole scene was just so Mediterranean, my heart kind of jumped and I was so happy to be back in the region.

I was sitting next to a nice woman named Shelly who is a bronze and marble sculptor. She lives in a little village north of Pisa and was in the US making arrangements for a gallery showing in October. We discussed art, philosophy, books, it was wonderful and the time passed very quickly. In the end, I only slept about 3 or 4 hours. She invited me to the gallery show and joined the Golden Birthday Bandwagon.

I went via train and bus to the Rome Zoo first. Though, that trip took about 1 hour longer than it should have because I dont speak Italian and the bus drivers kept forgetting to tell me when to get off! I met with IY, who used to be my boss in the Biblical Zoo and is now the Curator of Mammals at Rome. The zoo was not that great, though to be fair, its almost 100 years old. He was raelly helpful though in that he also gave me maps and a sense of what i should plan to do to maximize my time. I had to be back at the airport at 9:00pm.

"I" sent me through the terraza near Villa de Medici and past Villa Burgese, where there is a huge collection of Bernini statuary. The day was a litlte cool, but sunny and the walk was pleasant. The trees were beginning to bloom and it was kind of mesmerizing to hear the lilting sounds of people's conversations in Italian around me. The terraza overlooked a valley filled with a mix of old ruins and ornate architecture. I followed the path down to the Piazza de Poppolo, which has a tremendous obelisk in the center, and an eliiptical ring of shops and old buildings surrounding. the scene was at once so quaint and yet ancient, that I wandered, bemused around the Piazza, looking at all the shops and buildings. I saw frescos, statues, historical landmarks, coffee bars (Just called "Bar") and chapels (Basilicas). Using the only three words I knew, Prego (Please), Grazi (Thank you) and Arividerci or Ciao ('Bye) I made my way down a large street called Via de Coro, which had shops, marketplaces, artists, coffee bars, and a bustling crowd of shoppers and tourists. When I say tat this was a major street, What i mean is that its actually a 2 way road, though there is really only room for one car at a time. I havent decided yet if its more dangerous to be a pedestrian or a passenger in Italy. Its a toss up.

Every block there were enticing little winding streets or alleys that branched off, and following them sometimes lead to wondrous and rewarding sights. I stumbled onto the artist colony alley while looking for the Pantheon. And I managed to find my way to Triveri fountain, which is famous, by meandering around the alleyways.

At the end of via de Coro is a huge intersection where and imposing building, called the Altar of Nations stands. I dont know what its funcion is, save that it was my landmark, but I didnt go in. I went around it and headed to the Colloseum. I walked around the Arch of Constantine and Titus, though I was too late to get too close to Titus and see the famous relief sculpture of the Menorah being taken away from Jerusalem when it was conquered in 70CE. That saddened me a little.

The Colloseum is imposing and majestic, but in a cruel and brooding way. The edges of the crumbling ruin look jagged and slightly menacing.

I met some Penn State students and we walked around a little bit together. They had some tips on things to see too.

I missed seeing the Sistine Chapel. which I would really have loved. I sat at a "Bar" and drank REAL cappucino, like, ITALIAN capuccino and I have to say - it is SO GOOD. I also noticed that pizza is served in restaurants, with cloth napkins and eaten with a fork and knife. The crust is so thin - it looks like flatbreads! So much for folding a slice in half and eating it while you drive:)

I walked all over creation it seemed, and shot a roll of film. It was a very full day, and very satisfying. I was listening to my MP3 player all day and the music added to my sense of being on a tour all of my own.

When I left for the airport, it was getting dark and chillier. I felt satisfued that i had a full day and i was more than ready to collapse.

So i got on a plane to Israel, had a row to myself and slept a few hours for the flight.

When I got here, the sweet smelling, early morning, misty air greeted me like and old friend and I was touched and choked up at being back.


Missing you terribly,
Ciao