An open letter to my husband:

Sweetie:

I was thinking of some of the discussions we've been having recently about Fathers. Maybe it is because of Father's Day and the fact that you were the first, and maybe only, son to call your dad. And of course the presence of the controversy and tension that swirls around my dad all the time, and the conflict it creates between us.

I was thinking about my younger siblings, and how I love spending time with them, and being part of their lives. And how much I wished I had a father when I was growing up, and even now, who gave a brass farthing for me and was a real presence in my life. I wonder if you understand that it has been a dear wish for all three of us to have a real Father and that we are all lacking. Even now we all struggle with reconciling He Who is our Father with what our ideal would be in a Dad. I know that you may think I am just asking for my heart to be broken repeatedly, and you know, you are probably right. But I can't help hoping and wishing that I had a father, and that wish keeps me trying to make something out of what is, which in reality can never be.

You don't understand, having grown up with both your parents around, and your siblings all nearby, how lucky and spoiled you are. Not spoiled in a bad way - but in a super lucky, I am jealous of you way. Though of course there were rougher times, and you didn't always get along with everyone, never was your closeness undermined or the love you all had for each other questioned.

One of the reasons I love you so much is because I know that one day you'll be a wonderful father - and the kind of father I had always wanted for myself. I can see how involved you'll be, and attentive. And you will want to give your kids the whole world, not make grand promises and then go back on your word. I can see you teaching them about things you love, not competing with them as they grow in knowledge and experience. I can see you respecting them and their choices, not being negative, critical and small-minded. I can see you appreciating their individual achievements in life, and not compare them one to the other, as if they have to be measured against each other in order to count in the world.

One day, I can see you being everything that our fathers are not. You will be a strong role model where they were weak, each in his own way. And though you don't really get the whole deal when it comes to me and my dad, I love the fact that you'd never put YOUR kids in that kind of situation and the buck stops here, so to speak.

I love that I look at you, and see someone who will be the person I would have wanted as my own dad. And I love that it is you.

Annie and Anniversary...been a busy time

So, our first anniversary passed. And we decided to celebrate it on June 1 instead of May 13 because Chewy is in finals in school.

On June 1 we went into the city, and Chewy pulled a fast one on me! I knew we were going to Broadway, but I had no idea what show we were going to see. And I didn't try to needle him or find out, but finally on the train I decided to ask him. He said to me, "Ok, I will give you a list of 5". So he listed Young Frankenstein, Little Mermaid, Spamalot, Lion King and Jersey Boys. So between you and me, I have major issues with Disney's not so subtle takeover of Broadway, which had long been cherished as having a certain standard of theater. Taking popular animated films and putting them on the same stages that housed "The King and I" with Yul Brenner, or my favorite though short-lived show, "The Scarlet Pimpernel", smacks of disrespect. I find it very commercial consumerism of Disney to try and make money by branching out into this media.

you can imagine that I was less than thrilled about "Lion King" and "Little Mermaid" being on the list. (I actually have already seen Lion King in London). Spamalot I have never been interested in, and Young Frankenstein is a huge No. I don't know much about Jersey Boys, which makes me nervous... especially considering how much money you'd have to put down to see any of these shows nowadays...on the other hand, I didn't want Chewy to think I was unappreciative. So it was a tough struggle.

I said, "What about Avenue Q?" It was a show I had wanted to see, after hearing alot about it. It is with live people and puppets, you have to see it to understand... and Chewy said, "Don't you remember? It went out of theaters." I had forgotten. I was like, "Oh, man, I forgot."

After a little while, I got out of him that we were going to 45th street. WELL!! I know for a fact that Youg Frankenstein is on 42nd across from Madame Tussaud's, so that was out. And I thought that Spamalot was on 44th, so I figured that was out, too.

When we got to 45th street, I saw a huge sign that said "THE LION KING" and my heart sunk. Not only was I against the Disneficatioin of Broadway, but I had already seen this!! I turned to Chewy and said, "Are we going to the Lion King?" and hes was grinning at me, with this little evil glint in his eye... "No" he said, "let's walk down the block."

You'll never believe it.... We walked down the block and all of a sudden, I saw it - "AVENUE Q"

!!!!!!!!

Apparently it had come back to the theater and Chewy had gotten tickets for us to see it~ what a cool surprise and also he totally faked me out!

It was good, though I liked it better than Chewy did, some parts were REALLY inappropriate. But some were super funny.

It was a cool surprise :)

I am involved in Stage Managing ANNIE, the musical, on Father's Day. It is with 35 girls of assorted ages, and things are coming together. We had a horrible dress rehearsal, but that's ok, it means it will be a terrific show. I know these kids can put it together. In the meantime, my car is jammed with boxes of props that I need to sort out :)