Mind Melds and other Spockisms

Sometimes I wish I could mind meld. Not often, as I am actually an extremely private person when it comes to my innermost thoughts. But there are times when I am frustrated with trying to communicate some strong feeling or another and I wish I could insert into my opponents brain the full force of my thoughts, feelings and process in one package so that they truly see and feel what I am feeling. Sometimes my thoughts themselves are complicated and so convoluted that if I tried to sort them out and explain them, I too couldn't make logical sense out of them as individual threads. But they make sense to me or are revealed to me as a pattern if I were to look at the complete thought. It feels like an emotional ball of yarn. Outwardly, it has form, but if you look closer, it is a snarled mess of knotted strings. And that is hard to convey.

Right now I am in the grip of some extremely strong balls of yarn, simultaneously banging around in my skull and my heart. (Oddly enough, they somehow have become connected, which is a scientific miracle in and of itself!) Perhaps to balance each other, one is extremely positive, full to bursting is warm, healing, loving, sunshine-y energy. The other is darker, more angry, frustrated and belligerent. Perhaps a little edgy and destructive. A ball of yarn indeed. This one has picked up some barbed wire along the way.

Were I a Vulcan, such passions would undo me. Neither the positive nor the negative set is logical, or can be explained in an empirical, scientific way. Yet they are just as valid, and possess as much Kinetic Energy as any equation in Physics or Mathematics.

Besides, is the path to "living long and prospering" really the method of excising emotion from one's makeup totally? I'd rather go through a tempestuous argument and feel the renewal of love at the end once a compromise is reached. Wouldn't life be so dull if neither end of the spectrum could be experienced?

So I am not a Vulcan. And I do not possess the ability to mind meld. I guess that means that I have to find ways to express these mixed-up and uncomfortable balls of emotion in words or actions - though perhaps the way I express them should also be done delicately. How frustrating.

I see now that sometimes its not that I feel lonely for lack of someone to talk to about these things, its sometimes a lack of ability to talk about these things which stops me.

*sigh*

So now I have posted the issue - but am not one step closer to being able to unravel the snarly feelings I have collecting lint, dust and more strings inside me. And some of these things will just go on until I have found a mechanism to deal with them. Maybe I need to focus on problem solving, instead of articulation. Perhaps I will be more successful...